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FEEL LIKE A LADY. DEAL LIKE A MAN: Tips & Secrets on Everything from: Self-Esteem, Friends, Love, Sex, and Men
20.
Don’t Strip To Turn It Up In The Relationship (If He’s Already Had It)
“It’s 4am and my lover won’t answer…he’s probably somewhere with a dancer…” was quite fitting and appropriate a hook for a song today-as stripping (dancing) is a more openly discussed subject than it was some years ago. It used to be quite taboo a subject-not up for much discussion but like prostitution, strip tease is one of the oldest “professions” the world-over. Both will always sell even when rice quits selling (no matter how taboo).
When a woman is stripping, she moves her body in very provocative and inviting positions and ways that are too inappropriate for a regular party and much too inappropriate for…let’s say…a wedding reception or gathering of some kind which may have younger audiences woven in between.
That kind of lure of a woman moving about in a dimly-lit room where strangers pay to watch, provides a kind of excitement for men that’s on a different level than actual sex.
Although it is very arousing to men, at first-it is mostly mental.
The main turn-on for men watching a woman strip/dance is the fact that he’s never had her. (That’s not to say that in some of those night-life cultures, actual sex acts do not occur-because they do), but the lure-the mystery, and the excitement of a woman stripping/dancing for him is the fact that he has never had any kind of sex with her.
The fact that she is allowing him to look at her in ways that that he could not (in any another setting) gives him “permission” to undress her and have her in all the ways that his mind can entertain. With her body, she is insinuating (consensual) sex, but as long as he doesn’t have [sex with] her, have can have her in which way possible (in his mind).
But after, [if] she sleeps with him, he loses the thrill and excitement of the mystery behind all that he did not know about this woman in front of him doing provocative moves with her body (for him)…
…Which brings me back to the point of this Gem and chapter tip.
Strip teases and stripper poles in many-a-homes are a common thing of today.
Women know that most men enjoy strip club entertainment and would like to bring that excitement home for their man-to spice up bedroom play.
SIDENOTE MENTION.
As a writer and publisher, you have to stay abreast of what’s going on in the world; what people are talking about, and what people want to talk about and are afraid to talk about-things like that. So in order to do your best work, you have to be nosey. You have to voyeur people and their “speak” (and what they are afraid to speak about)-listen for what you are best at delivering in conversation and you have to kind of “answer that” (in the form of a good fiction or nonfiction book).
I notice something that writers (who aren’t published by major publishers) have a hard time understanding: They are so eager to put out books and subject matter that their own ego says the world wants to read and know about. As writers, we have all been guilty of that. But when you become seasoned, you will find that a lot of your “ego” work will have to be put on the back-burner in order to fulfill the needs, desires and questions of the readers. You may find that you’ve written a full 2-3 books (of ego work), but will have to set it aside until you fulfilled the major-reader need before they even care to read your “ego” work or anything about you. (“Ego work” meaning: fiction novels and especially: “Your Life Story”).
Even as an aspiring writer, you too, are guilty. How often is it that you say or you hear other people say: “I want to write a book about my life,” …well who cares about your life)? You will quickly get your feelings hurt mentioning that to an agent, a publisher, or a seasoned/major writer and be in for a rude-awakening of a question: “Are you famous? Are you infamous? Did you land a plane on the Hudson River? Kill a few folks? Well…other than that-who cares about “Your Life Story?’ because I don’t and neither will they.”
Understand now, what it is I’m saying?
That being said, I am going to reveal to you what provoked me for inspiration behind these last two chapters of this book, because while watching (and as I voyeur in real and online life), I find that the subject matter is extremely important to women…so why not include it in my book (for women)?
In addition to my “ego work” (what I observed and gathered + felt that women needed to know in Gem’s #1-19), what I do know for a hard core fact-the world over-women wanted to know how to contend with their man’s fascination with strippers and more importantly: how to keep their man stuck on them with all these distractions out here in the world.
For instance, I don’t watch television or reality shows to “entertain” me, I watch it for “content”-for what provokes or inspires conversation and dialogue in a way that I can think about, or flow and write about (which brings me to the point I am getting at).
One night I was watching a night-time reality show episode where a girl was being teased by her friends about having an attractive assistant who, (because of the girl's schedule) would at any moment, be alone many-a-days and nights-with her well-known husband. The girl was trying to think of ways to spice up the relationship and immediately…she thought of what most all women (nowadays) think to do: Strip for their man. I stared at the television pixels and rolled my head down-neck to chin-and while and sounding off the horns of the proverbial song of whomp whomp and epic fail: “Brrrr-Brrr-Brrr.”
While all that is an awesome thing to consider when we are trying to please our man, it all goes back to what I said: The thrill of watching a woman strip/dance is the fact that it allows the man to have her (in his mind) any way that he wishes to. And because of the fact that she is allowing him to watch her body move in highly provocative ways, that sends signals of consensual sex (which is especially exciting with a woman that he has never had, who too-is giving off the impression that he can indeed have her if he wanted to have her). That’s the “turn-on. Not just the fact that a naked or half-naked woman is dancing in front of him. It’s the fact that: a naked/half naked woman who he has never had is dancing in front of him and “inviting” him to have her [Perhaps. Maybe. Maybe Not.]
The turn on of watching the woman dance is sexually mental-it is foreplay of sorts. The absence of conversation, the absence of (actual) sex, and the mystery behind never having had actual sex with the stranger who (by the ways she is moving her body) is giving him permission to play with the countless ways he could have sex with her. This literal mind sex creates a kind of ambiance that (unfortunately) you cannot create, or transmit and deliver (once he has already had actual sex with you).
YOU CAN’T BEAT HIM-SO JOIN HIM
There is a secret to love and passion “happily ever after” (that we will go over in the next/last chapter in full detail) but the shorter version is this: When you are put in a disheartening situation with a man where alienation of affection, sex, or pleasure of any kind is involved (whether it involves cheating, lusting a woman on a pole, simply liking or being interested in another woman, adoration gone astray for that woman simply passing by or walking down an escalator) you absolutely, positively, unequivocally have to adopt a kind of “if you can’t beat ‘em: join ‘em” kind of attitude about it.
No-that does not mean you should just go on and throw in the towel and accept his desire, lust, or the actual fact that he [may have gone, or goes] all the way with another woman. And no, “if you can’t beat ‘em-join ‘em” does not mean that you should accept the object of his desire and lust of a woman on the pole so much so that if he decided to purchase her and bring her home for the two of you to enjoy-you should accept that either.
You can have him “bring the girl from the strip club home with you” without actually bringing the [actual] girl home, but rather…bring her home: to your bed (from out of his head) without you wasting your time trying to strip-doing something for him that he will never tell you doesn’t give him the same thrill and effect as that woman on the pole (that he’s never had before).
In “bringing [the girl] her home from out of his head,” I’ll teach you something that puts his entire lust, passion, desire, emotions, and sexual-mental in the palm of your hands that’ll be to your advantage from every angle and corner possible. It works so well that he won’t understand what got into and came over him. All he will know is that something is keeping him stuck on you, and falling in like, love, and lust with you every single moment of the day-he won’t be able to help himself!
Another thing I should mention is that in order for this Reverse-Psychology Cheating technique to be successful, you have to be mentally and emotionally ready for it. If the two of you still have any iota of passion and desire for one another left in the relationship already, I can assure you this is a whole new level of intimacy that I am more than sure will take your relationships closeness to heights never imagined.
There indeed is a method to (what may seem like) my “madness” throughout each and every single chapter in this book that [before you can even HANDLE this methodology explained in these last two chapters-this one you are reading now: Gem #20 and the next/last chapter: Gem #21], considering the fact that I am not your lover/intimate with you-if you could not handle the suggestions and lessons that I explained throughout Gem’s 1-19, there is no way you could be ready to put to use-these techniques that I will be explaining and teaching in these last two chapters.
Why or how is that?
Because it would require you being emotionally and mentally ready to hear things (from your own man-whom you are intimate with) that even he won’t even realize that he is sharing with you, but ultimately-will be used as fuel and passion for your relationship, which in turn, puts the fire out (where it was once a secret and a turn-on that was only so; because you did not know).
Like watching a naked woman on a pole, for a man, cheating (of any kind) is-first: mental. And I will explain to you-the power in the fact that the greatest fuel in cheating (actual cheating or a desire in his mind) stems from the secrecy involved and is as well (if not-even more); fueled by your emotional response to it, that instead, if you learned to “join him” you will indeed beat him (and it). In doing so, that passion and desire for that other woman that he felt (or you believe he felt), will then ricochet back as fuel to your relationship-between the both of you.
But, (and I’ll say it again and again, as this is [one of] my full disclaimers and warnings):
DISCLAIMER & WARNING #1
Coming from a person who is not your lover/intimate with you, if you could not handle anything that was suggested to you in Gem #'s1-19 without anger, revolt, rebellion or denial (rather than some form of acceptance and understanding), I can tell you right now there is no way humanly possible this methodology of closeness as explained in this and the next/last chapter is something you will be able to pull off (despite how pleasurable and surprising the results will be).
DISCLAIMER & WARNING #2
In Gem #19, (via the subtitles in that chapter: “THE PROGRAMMING MAKEUP OF A MAN,” | “IN THE INTEREST OF ‘INTEREST’ DON’T UNDERESTIMATE A MAN’S INTEREST IN YOU,” | “BACK TO A MAN’S REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING,”) before your mind could even conceive or entertain the concept of the methodology of intimacy and closeness that I’ll be explaining to you here (in Gem #20 and the last chapter: Gem #21); you have to be very clear with the fact that regardless the routine and length of time in the relationship you’re in, nothing that I explain in this chapter and the last chapter (Gem #21) will work unless there is still some level of desire and passion surviving within your relationship. If not, the good news about that is (as explained in “BACK TO A MAN’S REGULARLY SCHEDULED PROGRAMMING,”) restoring passion and desire is indeed possible and that because of-found within this method of intimacy and closeness, your relationship will be on such a level that it is sure to survive (unscathed and barely noticeable) those typical and common perils and threats of any other woman (whether it’s a woman on a pole, a woman passing by, or woman riding down the escalator of a mall).
I’ll explain:
Part of the reason that men cheat and the cheating relationship can go on for a long time is that men carry on a kind of “fantasy” in their heads that we women-tend to “ignite” and fuel with our screaming, kicking, crying and fighting (and-we’ll go over that in full detail in the next chapter).
But as it pertains to this chapter: “stripping”-what you have to do is not strip for him (because once he’s had you, it’s ineffective-not the same thrill and feel that you are hoping for).
If you are fortunate enough to own a stripper pole in your home (or even if not) instead of stripping/dancing for him, you would be better off allowing him to have you in the ways that he entertained having the strange girl on the pole at the strip club-by allowing him to do and say that things to you that, his mind, he entertained the thought of doing with the strange girl. The “fantasy” of what it would be like to have you is already gone-but YOU have the MAIN advantage over the girl on the pole: YOU can “steal” the desire and fantasy from his head in the ways that you allow him to have the sex (in his head)-with you…
Do you get where I’m going with this?
“Ohhhh I get it!” you say.
…Yeah that!
What you have to do (if your man frequents strip clubs and likes watching strippers/dancers), is allow him to savior the thought of the fantasy he carried on in his head while watching her and bring it to BED with you two.
When you do that, you steal it-and use it as foreplay for the two of you…
BUT…there is a way to do it…
(I’m getting to it…hold your horses!)…
Listen carefully:
When I wrote this book and gave it a title, I meant business about talking about all subjects contained in every single word of the title of the book. And when I wrote in the title: “How to Deal Like a Man” I meant business about that, too.
If you are trying to deal with a man, you can’t be trying to “think like a man.” As a woman, you have to use your femininity to “deal” like a man, but by meeting him where he’s at.
You see, men LOVE to talk dirty. They come to life when they are talking raunchy and dirty. Where a woman can romanticize a lovely night of passion, a man can take that night and tell it to another man like it was a pizza-dough tossing contest while riding on the back of a wild stallion in the middle of a crowd of 10,000 people at the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus.
The hard part (as his woman), is to get that version out of him (in conversation with you).
But let me tell you how to do it (and I assure you-it will bring you two to the ultimate level closeness while you “meet him where he’s at”: by bringing hot nights to him from out of his head and into your relationship and bed…His “version” of what goes down in his head (of the girl on the pole, the woman passing by or riding down the escalator of the mall).
Men LOVE to talk dirty. They come to life when they are talking raunchy and dirty. Where a woman can romanticize a lovely night of passion, a man can take that night and tell it to another man like it was a pizza-dough tossing contest while riding on the back of a wild stallion in the middle of a crowd of 10,000 people at the Ringling Brothers and Barnum Bailey Circus.
The hard part (as his woman), is to get that version out of him (in conversation with you).
But let me tell you how to do it (and I assure you-it will bring you two to the ultimate level closeness while you “meet him where he’s at”: by bringing hot nights to him from out of his head and into your relationship and bed…His “version” of what goes down in his head (of the girl on the pole, the woman passing by or riding down the escalator of the mall).
You see… cheating (for a man) at first, is mental before it is physical.
In order for you to sanction the act of a man cheating, you have to meet it head-on (before it goes physical).
With mental (anything), you first have to know that your mind was given to you for you to train it-not for it to train you.
For example, if it trains you-you go crazy.
If you train it-you stay sane.
The same is true for him (with cheating):
If you train his mind in a certain way, he stays (home-with you).
If his mind trains him in certain ways, he goes (playing-with her).
With anything, like childbirth itself, conception and consciousness of a thing that is to develop and grow cannot be without some pain or discomfort. Truth and rebirth comes from discomfort of some kind. Ignorance and bliss are kind and friends of routine and complacency; which too-is the death of consciousness.
Having said that, understand that something as “usual” as cheating can only be remedied by something unusual and atypical (in order to reverse it). This “atypical” methodology is one that I refer to as RPC: Reverse-Psychology Cheating.
As you will read in the next chapter, I will explain to you how it came about-how I figured out what the only remedy for cheating was by way of putting the fire out on the secrecy. I came up with this method by way of a social experiment that I watched many years ago regarding our human capacity to be able to keep (and not keep) secrets.
If you practice my Reverse-Psychology Cheating techniques enough, you will train (and condition) his mind in a way that he practically won’t even see other women as anything more than desirable ingredients for him to bring home to you-for the two of you to “cook up and eat.” I guarantee that actual cheating will taste and look entirely different to him-not so exciting, because of the secrecy that “fueled” its passion will be intercepted at the mental; the point at which the fuel for the physical gets its fire put out in a “the tribe has spoken” kind of way. It then goes in reverse and is now shared between the two of you.
RPC “interrupts” the mental at the attempt, and thought of the physical (cheating). When you do this RPC method routinely enough, you steal away with his head secrets and desires, it then becomes habitual (like a daily routine). The sexual play involved too, is “mental,” and if understood and executed properly; it can become just as second nature and beneficial for the both of you and because of-the passion in your relationship will indeed be brought to higher heights, making the two of you more desirable to one another than you both entertained the thought that you ever could be.
Another awesome thing about this Reverse Psychology Cheating method is that it could run a gamut of emotional sex: From slow, tearful, and emotional for you, through to agonizing and aggressively arousing to you. One moment you may be in the sexual mood to challenge it, another moment-you may be in the mood to submit to it [while as foreplay or during] he is in control of your every emotion, because it is he that is/has communicated to you (in ways never done before) his head secrets and things that he has never been accustomed to sharing with you (only with his friends, and other women-who were in receipt of the physical from his mental/head secrets).
This is a mental + emotional + physical release for him and a challenge for the both of you, [not to mention the fact that to be able to do something “unusual” as this, it will definitely bring the two of you closer than you ever have been] because it is indeed atypical and something I assure you he has never done with any other woman!
So if you got this book and you already got your man…it’s on and poppin’!
And if you got this book before the next woman did, and you got that man…(you know the rest)…Oh heavens, I’ll help: “It’s on and poppin’!”
The exciting thing about RPC is that the intimate moments you share will be different every time-and varying in intensity because men carry on a variety of thoughts and desires stimulated by different kinds of stimuli and temptation. While he sets the scene for the foreplay, sex-play, and intimacy-he could be mean about it (to arouse and challenge you), he could over exaggerate, conjure up a desire or fantasy about what he once did, was going to do, or considered doing (to take you higher), or he could deliver it to you emotionally (to match your tearfully submitting to it which too, could lead to slow good sex or heavy cuddling/petting and the kind of conversation you never entertained the thought of ever having with one another).
Because of his mind’s variety of thoughts, desires and temptations, it’s never the same mundane, usual, and typical-the way your love life and sex life was before introducing RPC to your relationship (thus-introducing you to true intimacy and companionship outside of the regular routine that relationship requires: Merely honoring and sharing responsibility). Ho-hum *yawn*
As you’ll see into the next chapter, RPC shields your entire relationship with an unbreakable passion and closeness that so many couples underestimate as the key ingredient to “happily ever after” (hence why they only “relationship” rather than “companionship,” too). Without passion, relationship is to “roommate” what companionship is to “soul-mate.” Big difference (as you’ll see in the next chapter).
Relationship + companionship are both very important in keeping your man mystified:
· by the different facets of you
· by your vulnerability and strength during your intimate moments
· by your sexual self (and the different emotions he is able to bring out of you)
· by your intimate self (and how you’ll feel about the relationship outside of the bedroom)
· how it keeps him interested in the new and “interesting” You
· how it keeps him desiring you
· how it keeps him preoccupied by, and in love with “You”
RPC & THE POLE TAKE-OVER
When you are trying to find ways to turn it up in the bedroom,
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