family” who this Mr. Clean guy was hired by, let me know that this was the same man hired by Janet for little ole’ me. The $64,000.00 question to that was: Why though?

Time for “Operation Plant Footsteps to Elicit a Response” for more reasons other than a pair of flat tires…

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

My intentions with, and for her were always genuine and true. If I ever stabbed her anywhere, it was from the front even when I’ve stabbed her in the heart.

I had to put on my thinking cap.

Flat tires and being followed by private investigators with watching lenses was only going to be the start of anything possibly sinister she could piece together to make things go her way. She got the world on her side-I don’t. And in her world, where there is a will and a bill, there is a way and someone to pay. Do the math…

I’d do much better fighting her in her presence than fighting her in my absence.

I’d do better in her presence because that’s the part she wanted more (and cost her less-monetarily and emotionally yet cost me more-emotionally and mentally). Do the math…

I contemplated hard-over and over; about surrendering. Especially knowing that she knew I knew so much-and with that, if for no other reason, it was never going to be the end of “us” even if she ever decided she didn’t want me anymore. I knew too much. I had too much. She and I had done too much. They had done too much-and left way too many track-able footprints to what they (at one time), thought was untraceable.

Do I love her? Yes, dearly. Do I trust her? I wouldn’t go that far.

And in my best Forrest Gump impression I’d say: “I’m not stupid.”

But how is you can love, but not trust someone?

Well…we too, had a story. A situation.  A circumstance. A past.

And like another story, if I had to offer an excuse as to how you can love someone but not trust them I would tell you like Ramses told Nefertiti: “You are going all mine like my dog, my horse, and my falcons-only I will love you more but trust you less.”

There is a truth in this mess, but the fact of the matter is, Moses said it best: “Love cannot drown the truth.”    

The facts of the matter (and truth) is, what started off good has too much bad intertwined in it: Wrath, Greed, Lust, Sloth, Gluttony, Envy, and Pride, I must admit. I’m not stupid.

BUT.

Regardless of any opinion about it, I would be remised if I didn’t mention that ours was not some freak story where we met over the net and from there-just started freakin.’ That’s not where we met…it’s where we officially got to know one another-first.

 Ours was a story, not a tale, about two mature adults who (after an informal meeting), developed a friendship that developed into…something else. So sue us.

The norm for someone in a megastar’s shoes is to ignore all, or not to even put themselves in a position for such a thing to happen, whereas in this case, the megastar chose not to-simple as that. I understood her well: her ups and her downs, what made her angry, jealous, happy and sad. I changed her. She changed me. There were some good things, and as well; there were some bad things. We were lessons to each other, for sure.

The taboo factor was the fact that we both are female.

The other unusual factor is that she happens to be a megastar and me-just a normal person. That only made the two of us human.

What could have been a normal situation got out of hand due to the megastar’s own personal issues that she had even before becoming acquainted with the normal person in this (me).

She has had limited access to a “normal” environment because she is who she is, therefore, her resources and money’s power afforded her to do what she had done to me-something she felt was normal-for she is surrounded by people who have never questioned her authority or unreasonableness all her life. 

No, I cannot deny that after getting to really know her beyond her glitter, I do admit that she and I were totally sexually compatible in a way like I’ve never been (could be the circumstances, the taboo, or the situation) but…it was what it was.

As a human being, there is always just that one person, who just lights our fire, and in all my years, I had never felt this kind of passion for anyone, and it just happened to be with a woman-this woman. And with the woman thing, I have never allowed myself to be so free, intense and open. But with all that she felt for me and how she just was-her “way”; she would not have it any other way anyways. 

Now, if I’m going to tell a (whole) story, I cannot tell a lie or omit part of the other truth (as-was). I had never in my life met anyone that could match me sexually: emotionally, mentally, and sensually, and the intensity and attraction between the two of us in so many ways; aroused me even more. I cannot tell a lie. She was the only one who could match and understand my sexual imagination. Her un-inhibitions overpowered mine (ten times over) and forced me to release and relinquish all that I had, and so I let her have her way with me...that was kind of exciting. I will not, and cannot deny that she is t.h.e.e most sensual woman I have ever met. She is irresistible in every sense of the word. I confess and plead the 5th…

Her brand of sensuality reminds you of…let’s see…the video of hers called “Anytime, Anyplace,” the one who makes you stop whatever it is you are doing and tend to her without her even having to even ask. That’s “her”-that’s just how she is: a calculating peeper who knows and watches your every move and will sit around to do it (and take you along with her, as she moves-so that she can)… 

I cannot tell a lie, she is fine as hell; sexual and sensual, and has been very briefed on (by what she hunted, gathered and overheard), what it is I like and love, and knew what to do with and to a someone like me, whereas in a normal situation, it probably would have taken another person years to discover if, or never at all. She studied me. I liked that. She did choose and pursue me heavily, more than anybody ever has in my life. Sure, could have much to do with the circumstances, the taboo, or the situation but…it was what it was.

I cannot belabor the obvious-she is “Janet” and I don’t know of a man (or woman) alive who wouldn’t at least entertain the thought or desire to be in my shoes (excluding the mess). 

Furthermore, if digging into my dike of my roots or building one from the force of her dam is what it would take to free me and give me my peace of mind back, then fuck…I’ll take my cake and eat it too. Wouldn’t you? 

Shit. I ain’t new to this I’m true to this… 

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