*ADULT READERS ONLY!

15.

 Sign Your Name Across My Heart, I Want You To Be My Baby

As a single woman, you may have heard the questions:

“Baby won’t you do me a favor, will you co-sign on this _______ for me?

“Baby, let me hold ________ dollars.”

If it’s not an investment by which whatever he needs to drive, wear, or have, isn’t something that’s essential to what he is working towards, on his way to, or into; then don’t give it to him. (And by “investment” I mean: drawn up and signed papers).

For that, he will respect you on a whole other level.

If he’s tacky, untrue, lying, or can’t show and prove-he will run, at least if he does, he can’t run off with your self-respect (your credit, or your money).

When dealing with men, you have to get out of your heart and get into their heads. Raise your left brow if, or the next time you hear a question like that, and riddle yourself this fact: Men live in their heads about as much as they live out of it.

That being said, let’s hypothesize the inaccessible, the unavailable to him.

Imagine your (average) guy being in receipt of a rarity like being introduced to…let’s say: Halle Berry-and dating her (ongoing).

Although she has the money to lend, or give him, do you think he would ask her those questions?

• If he’s on crack, or tacky, the answer is “yes,” he would ask her.
• If he has pride and a little class about himself (simply because of the illusion of who she is in his head and on television), chances are, he would try and be on his best behavior and would go through hell, high water and beyond to try and impress her-to meet her where she’s at, even if he has to beg, borrow, or steal to do it. 
• But if he’s that man with that other kind of pride, if they hit it off well, he’s going to be man enough to come from behind his illusion and be frank and honest with her. Most men with that other kind of pride (that know their worth and are working towards something), will be more apt to let a Halle Berry know that he simply cannot afford to court her like he’d wish to at this time…“however…” Although he may try and keep up the illusion as much and for as long as he can-still, he certainly wouldn’t ask her for money having just met and begun dating her.

So back to reality.

If your “he” is not on crack and fancies himself a man with class who is not tacky, why would you accept being handled any less than that hypothetical question?

Command from him, the kind of respect that he is capable of giving to you (at all times)-the same kind that you can conjure up in your mind being jealous about being given to someone else. 

BE THE STAR AND CAPTAIN OF YOUR OWN SHIP

In this book, I try and be conscious about suggesting how long to hold out before sleeping with someone you’re dating, and as well, what constitutes and are the makings of a “relationship.” With regard to “relationship,” I prefer to stick to what it means to establish one with yourself, and as it pertains to relationship with men; I prefer to make you understand and be true to what feels right and what does not feel right to you, but offering suggestions and slants for you to eliminate denial or make excuses about what is (or may not really be).

In dealing with men, you have to be very aware of the hand you are being dealt.

In the land of relationship, pay close attention to the whole word separately: RELATION and SHIP.

In order to stay afloat, ships are built from the ground up. Neither the Titanic, or Noah’s Ark was built by only one person. In the land of relation, two or more people have to relate, to build. Two people “relationship” when (together) they are working towards and building something together. Where signing anything or giving money to a man (who is not your King) is concerned, if you two are not relation-shipping, and it is not a literal investment; then you are playing yourself for that man and to have him around.

In the land of relationship with yourself, you have to be on a quest to be conscious of everything that you feel, and everything you do. You have to be conscious of whether or not it is adding to, or taking away from you. In this relationship with yourself, you have to have an eye for, and be extremely aware of the men you associate yourself with, and what they (too) add to, or take from you and your life, as well.

If your self-esteem and confidence is not up to par, you will find yourself making a trailer load of excuses for yourself, and for that man-especially when you may know in your heart that he’s “just not that into you.” Love is an all-too-important area that can make or break any woman. You have to keep your eyes and heart open to the truth. And firstly, you have to tell the hardcore truth to yourself, even when your heart and mind want to believe different. Being brutally honest with your self about what is and what isn’t will save you unnecessary heartache, time, trouble, (and money).

One of the things that pains me to my heart, is what I have witnessed and heard tale of, (time and time again), women who do astronomical financial things for men who they know regard them as Aces, Jokers or just one of the numbers.

The sure-fire way for you to never catch yourself slipping is (at all times) think of your entire self as one whole being of value and worth. As well, (at all times) think of your love life as serious business. 

No, that is not “rigid,” it’s necessary.

Business itself-is “rigid.” But taking your love life seriously is as a necessary as the risk involved in the thrill and business of finding true love.

If I haven’t already, let me say this.

Often times, we women hang onto to words that we like to view as something “bad,” or words that allow us the excuse to do, feel, and pursue things that are not emotionally healthy for us. And while doing those things, we end up hurting ourselves when all is said and done. We tend to do this with words and action to follow like: “closure,” and words to suppress necessary action, like: “rigid.”

Before you conjure it up, do not allow that word: “rigid” to creep into the crevices of your mind as an excuse to allow being foolish, to lead your heart (in the name of love).

Don’t make excuses for allowing you to play yourself by giving into reasons for not taking your love life seriously. There are so many other areas in life that are fair game for being inclined to hang back and let it all hang out-and that’s any and everywhere except: a) Where you make your money and b) With men (unless he is your King).

Here’s the deal:

To put it bluntly: With the exception of an investment, the esteemed woman would not co-sign, sign for, buy for, or give a man that she is dating- her money. And as well: her car keys, and apartment/house keys to her home. You have to be strategic, and mentally and emotionally smart when dealing with men, and you have to always be on your toes; careful to not be lead by your femininity in a quest for love and companionship.

Remember, (like I mentioned in Gem #5 Femininity –vs- Playing Yourself) “feminine” is just a part of who you are as a woman-that is what everybody will see and be in receipt of. But a man has to earn your submission (that is a totally separate game from “being feminine.”)

The same is true about your money.

Don’t give up all your goods and gifts to a man just to hold on to that man that has yet to show you that he deserves it (or is willing to do the same for you).

Women with low-self esteem give up too much-too soon, the following:

·         Submission

·         Time

·         Accessibility

·         Money

If you find that you are giving up those things before you are in a mutually healthy and established relationship where two people are building together, that only means you are giving your goods and gifts up from fear of not having him around because you know he will get them elsewhere.

Since that be the case-let him get it elsewhere-by all means-let him (get it elsewhere)... 

What you “give” him does not make him love you, respect you, or want to be with you-as would if you have him show you he is worthy of your investing in him.

Men are very complex simple.

Like women, they care about what women (and people-period) think of them. If he does not care about what you think of him, (like the example that I gave you at the beginning of this chapter tip) he is more likely to be tacky and will not care about looking stank to you-because that is what he feels about you and/or doesn’t feel you have to capacity to notice the difference either way.

When a man has no right and true plans for you, he’s not tidy and strategic with how he handles you. A man’s strategy (when he is into a woman) is to do, be, present himself, and say all things that make him look good to you.

When he respects you and cares about what you think of him, he will do his best to handle you like that Halle Berry example that I gave you (at the beginning of this chapter tip).

HANDLE YOUR LOVE LIFE LIKE A BUSINESS

In handling your love life like a business, you don’t give men money for frivolous things by which you get no return on your investment. Do not give him money and things just to look cute, drive cute, and be cute for the Halle Berry’s he could very well trying to impress (on your account). You don’t even have to worry about that possibly being so as long as you put yourself out to him like you are the “Halle Berry.” Unless you are building something together, let him use someone else’s money to come and impress you.

In handling your love life like a business, if you like him, and he is in the middle of working towards something promising, then by all means-“invest” in him (and by making him sign an affidavit and “promise to pay”-like business). I assure you, he will respect you more than if you handed him money to do frivolous things.

If whatever you give or sign for him has nothing to do with what he is on his way to, then you are playing your own hand, and as well, he will have no respect for you-because he does not care how he is looking to you. He does not want Halle Berry looking and thinking any less of him, then what’s so different about you?

Men are major prima donnas when it comes to how they look to women-any woman (at first) from the moment he finds her attractive or is attracted to her. A woman can neglect to return a man’s gaze in the middle of a grocery store line and hurt his feelings for that moment. Men worry about how they look in a woman’s eyes even more than a woman does in his. Every woman gets that sparkling Halle Berry red carpet start with any man who finds her attractive, or that he is attracted to. But depending on how she plays her cards, she can go out covered in silly string.

Sure-fire silly string is to pay for a man’s time, love, affection and attention and expect him to respect you, love you, and want to be with you.

Sure-fire silly string is to get confused, his undivided adoration for you-only you while you are “giving” to him.

Weigh a man’s good moods, time, attention, affection, and willingness to be with and around you based upon all things that you are not “giving” him (outside to that same time, attention, affection and willingness to be with and around him, too).

Have fun, be fun, but don’t lay your cards all on the table. 

Don’t fall into the harmonic sounds of your femininity and turn it into a kind of submission that he has yet to earn.

Let him see that you think “Halle Berry” of yourself.

You cannot MAKE a man do anything, but you can command the respect that is due you-solely by way of what you will and will not accept.

To keep from being their Joker or other numbers, for men who are not yet your King (or even your Ace), you have to play your cards right by not showing your hand and spreading it all out on the table to lose to a man who does not truly respect, care for, or have love for you.

As sexy as it sounds and the songs itself is; while it is a wonderful thing to sign your name across a man’s heart, make sure he signs his name where it counts, so that a) he respects you and b) he doesn’t use you, then MAKE OFF with yours.

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