6

ENVY

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n. a feeling of discontent and ill will because of another’s

advantages, possessions etc; resentful dislike of another who has something desirable.

“Envy is a strange thing. The typical envy need not be belabored.

But there’s another kind of envy that I never heard tale of, or dreamed could be so: An envy of ignorance. (Ignorance by its literal definition: “to not know, or have knowledge of”). To be able to live life as you knew once knew it, and by some strange set of circumstances; be forced to look at that life from a different set of eyes at what once was (that because you didn’t plan for, or dream of-but instead-was thwarted and catapulted into); you will never be able to return to that life as-was, so you envy people who are still there (because they are ignorantly in a kind of matrix of the world that chances are,they will never experience through ‘til the day they die). You envy the fact that you can never return to that kind of ignorance yet, you pity them for not knowing the other side of that ignorance (that you were thwarted into and experienced on another side of a matrix that their minds could never conceive unless they experience it) which, chances are, will be never. So you both: envy and pity that, equally. That’s me.”

                                                                           -Angie

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I was racing at the mind and heart, and as well-racing against time.

Here I sit in my comfortable black Futon chair in front of a whole paid-for computer that I used to own, with a laptop on my lap that I can’t afford, and time that I simply do not have-to write a book to tell the story in order get my life [that I didn’t invite her into] back to where it used to be before

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